i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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