I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
