I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
