she looked like the before picture.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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