I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Let's paint friendship bongs
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize