I think I died a long time ago.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
