My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
where does the pee come out of this thing
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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