At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
