you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
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I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
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Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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