This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
