Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
