he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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