mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
