mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
