Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
