I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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