My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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