All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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