just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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