I cut my penus on the lid.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
