We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's blow job season.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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