She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
