I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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