remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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