I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize