wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
what is it with giant penises always finding me
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
