I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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