Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize