i think i have two assholes
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
