umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
