I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
