After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
