He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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