I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
if only i could text you this smell
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
