the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
