we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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