i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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