I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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