My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
