I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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