I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize