Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
