The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Randomize
