he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
