booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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