So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
