okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
