Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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