Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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