put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
