I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
