Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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