I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
