I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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