Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
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Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
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The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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