All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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