apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
