I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
