Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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