We won't sleep together?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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