thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
