Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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