I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
