just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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