Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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