Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
