Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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