i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Sorry my hands just texted you
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
