Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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