It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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