the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
